Widowhood 101 - Starting over

Punta Sur Isla Mujeres.   

"No one prepares us for this, at all, although I'm not sure that a book titled Widowhood 101 would become a best seller. Who would want to read it? No one wants to think about it, even after it lands in their lap," wrote Sherwood Freeman Anders.

That recent heartfelt comment from a Facebook friend got me thinking last night about what I have learned about myself this year. Sherwood and I have never met, but we have bonded through grieving for our spouses. September 3rd was the first anniversary of Lawrie's death, and I have survived. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female – losing your life partner rips your world apart.

Charles, Gary, Dave, Barney, and Lawrie 

It hasn’t been a fun year. It has been a year of discovery. I have discovered I am strong and resilient, and I can cope with the devastation of losing one-half of my universe, my partner of almost forty years.

I have slowly adjusted to my new reality. In the past, he and I unconsciously divided up the household chores depending on our preferences. He enjoyed grocery shopping, especially on Isla, where he would run into the same group of guys and have a thirty-minute social visit right in the store. I only like to shop when it is absolutely necessary, and since Sparky can’t drive, choose items, push a shopping cart, or pay the cashier, that means I am in charge of keeping our fridge stocked. Yesterday was one of those I really have to shop " days. Nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cupboards. Sparky and Boo looked at me with ‘what the hell?’ expressions on their fuzzy little faces.

The one time he helped paint a house.

When it comes to painting a whole house or just a room, that is my specialty. I love the instant gratification of fresh paint. The very first time we painted a room together, Lawrie conveniently kicked over a full can of white paint on the dark brown bedroom carpet. “Oops! Sorry,” He insincerely apologized. 

He never had to endure that chore again, unless of course it was to restore a car; that was his pleasure, his stress release. I was the lowly tape-and-paper assistant for his many restoration projects. I'll amend that; he hated painting with a brush, but spraying was okay. When we put our Bowen Island house up for sale, he rented a huge commercial sprayer and we took turns painting the rambling pile of buildings. 

Lawrie, painting another car.

Lawrie was never a detail person when it came to banking or paying bills. That was my job, except for the American Express invoice that went to his email, and he would tell me how much and when it was due. Now, Am-Ex has an automatic debit system in place. Thankfully, my Kindle purchases from Amazon are magically paid.

Then there is gardening; I planted. He watered. Now, I look out my kitchen window and realize the flowers are wilting in the tropical heat. I remember this is my job; along with maintaining the golf cart, polishing the stainless-steel sign for our house, raking the beach sand, and adding water to the swimming pool.

Lawrie, patterns in our beach sand. 

In Canada, Lawrie and I had always shared remodeling jobs. He liked to do the electrical and plumbing, while I enjoyed the dirty, messy tile work and painting. 

This year, I decided to change a few things around the house. I added a security gate and replaced the two aging palapas with concrete structures. I discovered that overseeing a renovation project while stumbling along in my limited Spanglish was easy. I am very pleased with the results.

Garage palapa replaced by concrete.

The most important thing I have learned about myself is that I still enjoy writing books. 

I originally thought that perhaps without my muse, I would experience writer’s block, freeze up, and doubt myself. I didn’t. I used my grief to push on and create two more novels since his passing.

Temptation Isla was launched on January 23^rd this year, and Terror Isla on September 3^rd. 

I deliberately chose September 3^rd in commemoration of my love for Lawrie, and to keep my brain occupied with something other than grieving.

Sparky, publishing Terror Isla 

It’s been an emotional and very odd year. At times, it seems as if he has only been gone a day or two at the most, and other times it seems to be an eternity. Son John and his family, Lawrie's many family members, my family, and our friends are still grieving for him. Conversations are teary, and telephone calls are difficult. 

But I frequently talk to Lawrie. Sparky sometimes gives me a look, if you know what I mean.

The listening apps on Facebook, WhatsApp, and Google probably are confused by my one-sided conversations. I recently saw a message on my Kindle Reader: this conversation is not intended for Alexa. That’s what prompted me to include the listening apps in the storyline of Terror Isla.  

I am not lonely for people, I am only lonely for Lawrie.

Strength and peace to all of you who have lost your life-partner.

Lynda & The Sparkinator

Isla Mujeres Mysteries - 7 books

Death in the Vineyards Mysteries - 4 books

Dentaris, Cancun: The Rock-Star Treatment

Fantasy!    

A long, black limousine arrives at the passenger ferry terminal and slides to a silent stop beside me. 

The uniformed driver exits the vehicle and sweeps open the rear door, indicating that I should enter the cool interior of the car. 

As I settle myself, his gloved hand passes me a tall glass of cold champagne. Ah, the life of a celebrity!

Lynda & Marcos - more fun than a limo.

Okay, I admit it. It’s a fantasy. But if I squint one eye at the gray mini-van stopped ten feet away and the smiling man beckoning me to hop into the front seat, it could almost qualify as a limousine ride. 

The temperature inside the vehicle is cooler than the stifling heat outside, but alas there is no offer of a frosty glass of bubbly.

My driver, Marcos, works for Dentaris in Cancun. It’s a company that specializes in dental vacations. You can get your dental work done, in between tanning and quaffing margaritas. 

Marcos shuttles patients from their hotels, the airport, or at any of the passenger ferry docks to their clinic on Bonampak Avenue in Cancun.

Antony de Sousa & Alejandra Moreno 

My journey to Dentaris started a few days back with a raging pain in my jaw that spiked through one eye and into my brain, making coherent thought impossible. I posted on the Isla Mujeres Residents Facebook page asking for recommendations for a dentist and received at least ten replies, the majority listing Dentaris as the best. After a few back-and-forth emails, I was able to get an appointment for the following afternoon.

When Marcos and I arrived at the address on Bonampak, he escorted me to the second floor via the elevator. We entered the clean, modern reception area, where I was greeted in English by the Office Manager, Alejandra Moreno, and Antony de Sousa. I didn’t have to stumble through my limited amount of Spanglish to communicate my problem.

Rubi and Dr. Joaquin Berron at Dentaris

Ten minutes later, I met Doctor Joaquin Berron, who started this Cancun dental practice in 1992. He is a former professor at Louisiana State University and the Coordinator of the Implant and Prosthetic Fellowship. Dr. Berron commuted regularly between the two cities for many years to attend to his patients before deciding to concentrate his time in Cancun.

Without getting too icky-graphic about things, Dr. Berron discovered that I have an excessive amount of what I call that-hard-bony-stuff, Torus mandibularis, inside my mouth. It makes inserting the materials for standard X-rays difficult, bordering on painfully impossible. He recommended a CT scan of my lower jaw.

“Okay,” I tentatively agreed. I had never heard of CT scans for dental work. “But, how long will I have to wait for that?” I was worried about waiting additional hours or perhaps days to get an appointment.

“Marcos will drive you over to the clinic right now, and he will wait while they do the procedure. He will then drive you back here. So, maybe thirty minutes in total.”

CT Scans for dental work

And off we go, with me still hinting at a glass of champagne. Just to ease my pain, of course. Marcos just grins at me.

True to Doctor Berron’s description, the entire procedure was just slightly over thirty minutes. I was impressed by the speed and efficiency of the clinic. The fun part was looking at my jaw in 3-D on the technician’s computer. I’m easily entertained by swirling colourful images and new technology.

Back at Dentaris, the doctor did the necessary procedure on my problem tooth. He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and asked me to return in five days. Marcos was occupied with other clients, so Alejandra was my designated driver. She offered to stop at a nearby low-cost pharmacy where I could fill the prescription. Within ten minutes, we were on our way to the Ultramar terminal. From my front door and back again, including the two procedures, CT scan, and root canal, it took me a total of four hours, and I am now relatively pain-free.

3-D image of my jaw

Five days later, I had a second appointment to put a temporary filling into the tooth. Same deal, only this time Lawrie came with me. Marcos met us at the Ultramar terminal and drove us to the clinic. A brief visit with Doctor Berron and his assistant Rubi while they completed the procedure, and I’m done until the final appointment a week later.

When we told Marcos we weren’t going straight back to the passenger terminal because we wanted to go to Costco, he offered to drop us off there instead. Perfect! We waved goodbye to Marcos and headed into the cool depths of the mega-store to stock up on a few of our little treats that we can’t get at our island grocery store.

So far, my appointments with Dentaris have been the best dental experience I've ever had. Free pickup and return. Friendly professional staff: Alejandra, Antony, Marcos, Rubi, Cori, Dr. Joaquin Berro, Dr. Hilda Navarro, Dr. Mario Bertran, Dr. Eduardo Salcido, and Don Luis, who is now retired. A clean, well-equipped clinic and affordable prices. And both times I have run into island friends. It’s like old-home week. 

Here’s their contact information: Phone number: 998 887 2579

http://www.dentaris.com.mx/  

info@dentaris.com.mx

Alejandra says, “We love to take care of our patients like our own family.”  

Give them a try. They are good!

Cheers, Lynda 

~

Death in the Vineyards Mystery series

Isla Mujeres Mystery series
Murder and mayhem. Revenge and romance.
Grab your copy today.