Widowhood 101 - Starting over

Punta Sur Isla Mujeres.   

"No one prepares us for this, at all, although, I'm not sure that a book titled Widowhood 101 would become a best seller. Who would want to read it? No one wants to think about it, even after it lands in their lap," wrote Sherwood Freeman Anders.

That recent heartfelt comment from a Facebook friend got me thinking last night about what I have learned about myself this past year. Sherwood and I have never met, but we have bonded through grieving for our spouses. September 3rd, was the first anniversary of Lawrie's death, and I have survived. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female – losing your life partner rips your world apart.

Charles, Gary, Dave, Barney and Lawrie 

It hasn’t been a fun year. It has been a year of discovery. I have discovered I am strong and resilient and I can cope with the devastation of losing one-half of my universe, my partner of almost forty years.

I have slowly adjusted to my new reality. In the past, he and I unconsciously divided up the chores around the house depending on our preferences. He enjoyed grocery shopping especially on Isla where he would run into the same group of guys and have a thirty-minute social visit right in the store. Me, I only like to shop when it is absolutely necessary and since Sparky can’t drive, choose items, push a shopping cart, or pay the cashier that means I am in charge of keeping our fridge stocked. Yesterday was one of those I-really-have-to-shop days. Nothing in the fridge, nothing in the cupboards. Sparky and Boo looked at me with ‘what the hell?’ expressions on their fuzzy little faces.

The one time he helped paint a house.

When it comes to painting a whole house or just a room – that is my specialty. I love the instant gratification of fresh paint. The very first time we painted a room together, Lawrie conveniently kicked over a full can of white paint on the dark brown bedroom carpet. “Oops! Sorry,” He insincerely apologized. 

He never had to endure that chore again, unless of course it was to restore a car; that was his pleasure, his stress release. I was the lowly tape-and-paper assistant for his many restoration projects. I'll amend that; he hated painting with a brush, but spaying was okay. When we put our Bowen Island house up for sale he rented a huge commercial sprayer and we took turns painting the rambling pile of buildings. 

Lawrie painting another car.

Lawrie was never a detail person when it came to banking or paying bills. That was my job, except the American Express invoice that went to his email and he would tell me how much and when it was due. Now, Am-Ex has an automatic debit system in place. Thankfully my reading addiction purchases from Amazon are magically paid.

Then there is gardening; I planted. He watered. Now, I look out my kitchen window and realize the flowers are wilting in the tropical heat I remember this is now my job; along with maintaining the golf cart, polishing the stainless-steel sign with the name of our house, raking the beach sand, and adding water to the swimming pool.

Lawrie liked my idea of raking in a circle. 

This year I decided to change a few things around the house. I added a security gate and replaced the two aging palapas with concrete structures. 

In Canada, Lawrie and I had always shared remodeling jobs. He liked to do the electrical and plumbing while I enjoyed dirty messy tile work and painting. I discovered that overseeing a renovation project while stumbling along in my limited Spanglish was easy. I am very pleased with the results.

Street-side palapa replaced with concrete.

I guess the most important thing I have learned about myself is I can still enjoy writing books. 

I originally thought that perhaps without my muse I would experience writer’s block, freeze up and doubt myself. I didn’t. I used my grief to push on and create two more novels since his passing.

Temptation Isla was launched on January 23^rd this year, and now Terror Isla on September 3^rd. 

I deliberately chose September 3^rd in commemoration of my love for Lawrie, and to keep my brain occupied with something other than grieving.

Sparky - publishing Terror Isla 

It’s been an emotional year and a very odd year. At times it seems as if he has only been gone a day or two at the most and other times it seems to be an eternity. Son John and his family, Lawrie's many family members, my family, and our friends are still grieving for him. Conversations are teary and telephone calls are difficult. 

But, I frequently talk to Lawrie. Sparky sometimes gives me a look, if you know what I mean.

The listening apps on Facebook, WhatsApp, and Google probably are confused by my one-sided conversations. I recently saw a funny message on my Kindle Reader; conversation not intended for Alexa. That’s what prompted me to include the listening apps in the story-line of Terror Isla.  

I am not lonely for people, I am only lonely for Lawrie.

Strength and peace to all of you who have lost your life-partner.

Lynda & The Sparkinator

~

 Now available on Amazon Terror Isla, 

Book #5 of the Isla Mujeres Mystery series.

Buy now - Terror Isla